1. to forgive one of my friends (who remains unnamed)
2. to figure out what I'm doing with school
3. to break my selfish heart
It seems like it is alot, but you know what IS alot to God. So my main focus was on #1 of the list. I went to 2 seminars that I actually felt like were written specifically for me. The 1st one was a seminar on forgiveness. In there, the speaker gave us a step by step way to forgive someone. I was pumped. I went to Starbucks and sat down with my journal ready to forgive this person. I started to do the steps. As I started to uncover all the dislike and "hate" (i know I did not hate this person) that I had buried a long time ago, the want to forgive started to slide away. I couldnt do it. I returned to the hotel discouraged. Later that week, I got breakfast with 2 of my mentors. I told them what was happening and how annoyed i was with myself for not being able to forgive this person once and for all. Then the bomb hit. They said that I also need to ask for his forgiveness as well. I set standards over him that were not mine to set. That was God's area of expertise. Yeaaahhh....talk about bombshell...I wanted to run...and fast. The last day of DCC I set my eyes forward and went to Starbucks again. (I think that God performs miracles in Starbucks btw...think about all the talks you have had). God changed my heart as I sat there writing. I was able to forgive AND to write him a letter asking for his forgiveness. Yeah that was TOTALLY the Lord because I can definitely tell you that I am not capable of changing my heart enough to forgive him, let alone write him a letter. The glorious feeling of freedom is absolutely numbing. Seriously, my face went numb and tingly...no lie. So check one for #1 on the list. Go GOD!
The second one now...(I also apologize for how long this is going to be). School. EW. Recently I have been really unsettled. I just do not know why I am in school. I am a Middle School education major. I do not know why I am because I do not want to be a classroom teacher or a teacher for that matter. I know that I am going to be in ministry because that is what I have a heart for. I love to help people in their faith. I love to give advice. I love to share the word of the Lord. I have been planning on going overseas (and I say planning because God has not given me a clear no yet) as soon as I graduate. However, what am I going to graduate with? I know what I am doing, I just do not know how to get there. I was talking to one of my friends who is now studying abroad in Mexico with my roommate, Becca, and she mentioned the idea of majoring in Spanish. That would be a great idea! I love spanish. I love the culture and I know that I probably will work in a Spanish setting. Who knows. So, right now I am trying to figure out if I want to drop my education major and take Spanish on. Although I dont have a clear answer, I am more clear on the subject then I was before. Go God!
Now, for the selfish part. Lets just say that God answered that area and more...I am not going to go into it that much.
All in all, the beginning of enero has been a wonderful start. What better way to start than by really dwelling in the Lord?
